Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in a studio in Carmarthen with Chris Corcoran.

This is Rhod Gilbert, back with you after a few weeks away. ... I had a little holiday, didn't I? Went to Switzerland. Very nice, too. Uh ... Korkey's with me. / Switzerland, eh? / Switzerland, eh. I was in ... / Did you? / I was in ... uh ... yeah. / I didn't know you went to Switzerland. / Didn't you? / No. / Well, you do now. / Did you do yodeling? / Deal with it. ... What? / Did you do yodeling? / I didn't do any yodeling __ we were up in the mountains __ __ __ __ in the mountains __ overlooking lakes ... / Yeah? / ... and ... uh ... do you know what? I didn't ... how thick am I? I didn't even know I was in the Italian bit. ... I thought it was / French bit or the German bit / Italian bit / German bit / multi-lingual, isn't it? / I / Italian bit / did __ cause you a trouble? / Didn't cause us any trouble at all. It was, uh ... lovely. It was a lovely ... perfectly, uh, nice, relaxing ... uh ... holiday. And, uh ... and now I'm back. / Did you buy a cuckoo clock? / I didn't buy a cuckoo ... I've got a cuckoo clock. / Did you ... why did you go to Switzerland if you don't do yodelling and not buy a cuckoo clock? Did you have any chocolate? / Because I was in the Italian bit. ... I did have a bit of chocolate / Did you buy a watch? / I didn't buy a watch. No. I'll tell you what I did do, though. / Yeah? / Years ago ... the first time I went to Switzerland, ... / Yeah? / ... I did all those things. / Huh, did you? / I came back with a cuckoo clock from ... uh ... / Did you? / Yeah. I think I was on either a rugby tour ... to Switzerland ... or ... / s__ / bring / back / or a skiing trip. It might have been a skiing trip ... a school holiday. / Say it was a rugby tour. It's much better. / I can't remember. ... Either way, I came back with a cuckoo clock ... present for my parents. / Yeah? / I spent all my money ... I / that age / all your money / OK / ... on a present for your parents / they / this / that cuckoo clock is ... guess where it is now. / In the loft? / So, this is ... this is 30 years later. / I'm going for "in the loft". / OK. You're saying "in the loft"? / Yeah. / OK. Let's ... hey, Feature 1: / Ho, ho. Strong show. / Where is that cuckoo clock now? / Strong start. / People say there's no feature on this show / where is my cuckoo clock now? / where is my cuckoo clock now? I bought it roughly 32 years ago in Switzerland as a present ... / Great feature. / ... for my parents. Where is that cuckoo clock now?

Now then, we've got the newspapers in front of us today. As you know, it is, uh, Coffee Morning, 11 till 1, on the Rhod Gilbert show. It's a light-hearted gamble ... / Huh huh, / ... through the week's newspaper. That's what we promise you, ladies and gentlemen, and that's what you're gonna get. ... So, what have you found, Korkey? / Uh ... I found __ __ sport page of the __ __ Mail. / ... Yeah. But, is that ... is that, as usual, for your own personal ... / Well ... / ... reading? / Yes. / That's what usally happens on this programme. / Yes. / I catch you reading the ... the back pages, then I say, "Are you looking / newspapers / and you go "Yes", and I ... / am / you don't even answer __ __ a lot of times because, a lot of times, you / because / you / engrossed into something about / rugby team / well, world cup is coming up. I'm interested in it / I've ... do you know what I've done? / What have you done? / Ohgg, what? / Oh, god. / Oh, what? / with g__ s__ / I haven't thrown __ __ __ / You've got __ bad back, mate. You shouldn't do it / They did ask. / Yeah? / uh ... but I said, "I can't. I've been listening to / I'm afraid / I'm afraid / busy afternoon, pal / as good a reason as any. / Uh ... / What have you done? / oh, god / I'll tell you what I've done / I booked / holiday / Yeah? / __ __ __ world cup's on / I've done that thing of, uh ... of, uh ... you know / not planning __ __ __ diary? / the little lady / here in / back in holiday / as, uh, we've said / holiday / I forgot / can't go / oh, heck / where were you going? / Huh? / It might be on. / __ __ __ __ booked __ __ __ __ / ... Well, that's not a problem then, is it? / Yeah, it is. / __ __ __ you go __ __ have it on the telly. / I verbally ... / go to France / I __ verbally committed to it. / Yeah. ... But, ... that's fine. Go to France / on holiday / just / watch / world cup / like, four games a day, can you? Can't go holiday with a ... can't go holiday / shops / yeah / they're indoors / They're indoors ... the little lady. Uh ... / unusual __ __ __ __ outdoors, mate. / Huhhhh ... dear. Anyway, so, I'm going on holiday. / Huh. / Now then ... / go to / West Wales / you have written down something on the ... uh ... / I've written down __ __ __ __ 's face, "Chimp Quiz" Quiz / Where ... Where is my cuckoo clock now? ... just because / list / came up / lucky you wrote that down / totally forgotten Feature 1. / Mate, if you __ __ keep momentum, you need to keep it going / where is ... In about 1983, / Yeah ... / 32 years ago / Oh, good clue. You're dropping __ little clues / any help, is it? / Well, I suppose not. / Nuh. / It could be anywhere / 1983, I bought a cuckoo clock for my parents / Let's tease out this a little bit. Did it start on their wall? Did they put it on their wall initially? / They, uh ... / mom and dad / yeah / over the hearth? / they put it up ... uh ... / did they? / In the __ge/ OK. / between the door and the hearth / OK. / I bought them as a present in 1983 school trip to Switzerland. / Yeah. / I spent all the money / my parents / very generous / very generous. / That's what / age / little thing down, and it went tick, tick, tick ... lovely little ticking sound / swinging pendulum __ __ __ __ __ you know what the cuckoo clock is / Huh, yeah. / you know the deal ... you know the deal. ... You know the deal / contracted ... every hour / yeah / What did it look like? / What do you mean "What did it look like?" / it looked like a cuckoo / little cuckoos / ... If I'm honest, I can't remember what it looked like, really. / Huh, all right. / __ __ just a little bird / Was it an impulse buy? / .... No, it wasn't. / Or did you take your time choosing it? / I took a lot of time choosing it. / what was the criteria / based / on / I ... I took a lot of time choosing it ... for size, and ... and, sort of, general look of it, carving, skilled carving / looking for / I did spend / long time choosing it / I can imagine you doing that. / Yeah. / chaffed / "Where is it now?" is the Feature 1. Where is that cuckoo clock / Were they chuffed? / well, I don't know. It's hard to say, innit? ... __ __ __ tell me if they ... I couldn't take it back. ... I think they were pleased. They put it up. / Huh. / Proof is in the putting. / __ __ __ __ / now then, uh ... / the point is, where is it now? ... 'cause that's the feature / That's the whole point. / talking about / I've almost told ... I've almost told you there. ... I've forgotten ... I've forgotten it is a feature already. お題ってことを忘れて、ほとんど答えを言っちまった。

Now then, the light-hearted g__ through the newspapers. / Yes. / "Boy George replacing Tom Jones. Thoughts please. / yeah / George Michael / why did you ... / George Michael, innit? / It's Boy George, mate. / Huh. __ __ __ George Michael on the radio this morning / this out / Who said "George Michael" on the radio? / __ radio did. / ... Who did? / Uh, you know, some voice on the radio / voice on the radio / said / George Michael / replacing / we'll have a look at that / Read that out. ... Read that out to clarify things for listeners / pop star B__ George / Tom Jones / somebody's made a mistake / carefully enough / voice / radio this morning. ... In fact, / didn't even know / something. / Yeah / it __ probably me. / Uh ... "Chimps could cook", it says here. / Chimp Quiz ! / Huh ... oh, this could go / Chimp Quiz / still / ? / last-minute __ __ Chimp Quiz / bear in mind / got / done __ Chimp Quiz / bit of paper then? / I don't know. ... / I don't / holder / Can't you tell that from looking around ... at the ... uh ... / Yes, I can, yeah. / the stuff on the floor / newspapers from the last five years / Yeah. / That, uh ... / __ __ my note. I wrote that. That's my hand-writing. / I've got a different kind of quiz for you today. / OK, fair enough. ... Let's not go back on quizzes __ __ let's just move on, shall we? / Do you want ... / Huh huh, / ... a general quiz quiz / OK. / or do you wanna play Play Your Price Right ... __,if you remember, it's a mixture of Play Your Cards Right and the Price Is Right ... / Yeah, / ... so you have to guess / higher or lower / this week / not about / price / Huh huh. / it's about sugar content. / ... Uh ... oh, yeah ... the Sugar Quiz. ... Sugar Quiz? / I'd play that / No, it's not called Sugar Quiz. It's called Play ... Play Your Sugar Right. / Huh. All right. ... Don't say / like / now / in your plan / do you wanna play / or not? / Uh, yes, please / sounds fun / I'm quite / myself / checked when / made the game up / yeah / be fun / Yeah. / Basically I give you the ... a drink, and you've got to tell / more or less / Uh ... hang on a minute. / Yeah. Let's play it. / No, no, no, no, no, no. / What? Come on / I've added the jeopardy / Buzzzz. You're disqualified / __ __ __ answers? / Yeah. You know too much / fine / just / the other quiz / general knowledge quiz. ... Do you know anything about general knowledge? / Yeah. I __ __ __ __ __ / uh, it says here ... it says here ... I'm not gonna d__ on this. ... Uh ... "Chimps ..." ... "Chimps ...", it says here, ... it says, "Chimps could cook if we gave them the chance." / Yeah? / ... which, I ... I would argue, they've got the chance / nobody's stopping / 新しい学説によれば、チンパンジーは、チャンスさえ与えてやれば料理を作ることができる ... んだそうだ。これには同意しかねる。チャンスは十分与えられてきたはずだ。誰もチンパンジーに料理をするなとは言ってないんだから。/ no, of course not / tell / chimp / give me that saucepan / Give me the ladle. / new study / that / Get out of the fridge ! Get out of the fridge ! / ... Yeah, yeah. / I know / chance / おまえにチャンスをやったが最後、どうなるか、ちゃんとわかってるんだからな。 / Oi, that's my chicken tonight / get back up that tree / a new study suggests that / this is the thing / Oh yeah? / This is the thing. / says / gave / a new study suggests that chimpanzees have the cognitive skills ... / Yeah? / ... to cook food, but ..." it says here, / give you a point / only one question / people / confuse it with ... with the old feature Chimp Quiz / remember that? / let's / point / I'm sorry I've interrupted you / you were in a ... you were in a flow there / give you one point / Go on, then / OK / Yeah. / " ... the study found that being unable to do "something" was one of the reasons they do not cook at the moment. ... Chimps. / Huh ... OK. Um ... OK, um ... oh, that's a really good question. ... Simmer ? __ ... do they understand / cognitive / well / you're pretty much right / something like that? / It is something like that. / another guess? / you are sort of / well / on the gas stove / they can't ... they can't __ __ the little rubber tube on the gas stove / no / they can't strike matches / is it something like that? / in that department, yeah. / __ __ __ simmering / uh ... give me a little clue __ simmering / I'll tell you / just tell you / Huh, OK / the study says / chimps are being unable to control fire ... / huh / ... is one of the reasons ... / 最新の研究によると、チンパンジーが料理をしないのは、火を使えないからだそうだ ... / ... is one of the reasons ... is one of the reasons they don't cook. They can't control fire. / __ __ __ __ / __ __ __ coming along / ... In the chimp world, __ __ very fine line between being a top c__ and being an arsonist. / チンパンジーの世界では料理人と放火魔が紙一重だ。

now then, "Where is my cuckoo clock?" is the feature we've got going / well / response / two / amazing / OK / ... or three / uh / In 1983, roughly, I went on a school trip / spent all my money / cuckoo clock / which, uh, when / got home / place / where is / cuckoo clock now, 32 years later / I guessed / in the loft / it's not in the loft. / OK. / ... "Morning, boys / this is from / B__. Loser. / "Morning, boys, / cuckoo clock / is it in __ landfill site? / Good guess. / bought / five / in tissue paper." / Huh. / what is it? / who's the friend? What was the present? / Why ... what kind of ... yeah, / give us a bit more / too lazy / can't bothered / give / any fact at all / get involved / yeah / 参加したかったら、少しは自分のことも話せ。 / not in __ landfill / it would / wouldn't it, 'cause / necessarily / unless I take / answer / took / Exactly. / in a fit of p__k / Yeah. / or in a box / or in a box. Uh ... "Rhod, / Re: Cuckoo Clock / I'm now 50." / Paul in N__ / too old to be listening to the show / mate, you're bringing down / audience / by about 20 years / Yeah. Well done. Stay listening, right? / you are the kind of people Radio Wales is going for. / Yeah. / __ try to bring / younger cloud / market / I'm now 50 / suddenly remembered __ __ __ __ __ your age. ... "I'm now 50, and suddenly remembered / almost / scene from Jaws / camera zooms in / shouts, "Get out of the water !" / called / pioneered by ... uh ... what / uh ... no / Uh ... / a director / yeah, uh, well, he was a director. / Yeah. But, uh, it wasn't him / Jaws / Oh, him. / yeah / Spielberg. / Yeah. / OK. / sharky__, I / call him / Spielberg, you're right. / for some reason / S__ / I think / in that moment, I think. ... Anyway ... anyway, when I was about six or eight ... / __ ... __ __ __ sketchy / Who does that? Who does that? I never have heard / have you? / What? / somebody / seven / only / ever / anybody in the world / says / years / 「あれは、私が６歳か８歳のときでした ...」 ... なぜ７をとばす？ / nobody goes / 28 ... 30 / No. / maybe he only lives in whole numbers / and, if he's not 50, he is 25. / Isn't that weird? / When I was / six or eight / maybe / or twelve, maybe / twelve / seven or twelve. / That is weird. / Uh ... / when I / had a cuckoo clock / started in the kitchen" ... Fair enough / nice / hey / why not use it? / kitchen / not / I could imagine a cuckoo there. / in my head / there __ is. / clock in the kitchen / I've no idea where it went / or where it is now. / Huh. / the cuckoo clock / Is he setting up his own feature? / well, this ... this is / is that / I've got a feature going called "Where's my cuckoo clock now?" / I know the anwer / so / people / writing in / right or wrong. / Huh. / own / where / I could say anything / you couldn't / right or wrong / more to the point, Paul, / set up your own feature / Exactly. Set up your own ... get your own show and get your own feature on it. ... Uh ... "I've no idea where the cuckoo clock is now. I'll have to ask my siblings / if they remember where it is now / thanks / then let us know / what the answer is / No, no, don't bother / that, mate. / hey, mate, I wonder where all these kids are / I wonder. ... "Hey Rhod / 12 or 17 / in / she says "I suppose / in your garden shed." / uh ... "... and it's used to confuse other birds or to prevent them from flying in the direction of your house / kinda scare-cuckoo-clock / like, uh ... / second guess / uh ... / your c__ clock / in __ junkyard because it's __ useless t__. ... Am I right?" __ __ __ ... No, you are not right / get involved, though / from / little boy / school trip / lovely present / parents / be / Where is that cuckoo clock now? ... We've also got, uh, Celebrity Ironically Out Of Context Bingo / I've gotta do / if you've seen a celebrity / people / about the rules again / out of context / write in / or / ironically out of context / I think / and if / ironically / definitely get an extra point. / Yeah. / We prefer / ironically out of context / clear / over the years / lots and lots of people / just suggesting celebrities in supermarkets / which is not / how / which is very different / ... Is it, though? Some / real g__ at me / out of context / how you normally see / means / out of context / and they / pointed out that / you / ironically / I had to agree / I get that, yeah / yeah, yeah, fair enough. / OK. / email for Korkey / it says here / from / it says here / oh, I've been calling him C__. ... Is it C__? / it says here, from California / Yo, Korkey, / Yo, J__ / We / this morning / an that's how we talk__ / kind of / "You dirty red" ... That's how we ... that's how we / yeah, I know, but ... you know / generic __ __, innit? / co-presenter / radio show / that / word on the street / co-presenter / Rhod this morning / you wanna go / on Saturday / and / and / mate. / All right. / and / lunch today / that's nice / gonna celebrate M__'s birthday / I don't know any of these people, man. / can you please give M__ a shout out / for his birthday / he's a good guy / good guy / I'd really appreciate this favour, you know what I mean? / how would we not know what / how would we not know what __ mean? / It's in the English language / Hey, what do you mean / really appreciate / absolutely no idea what you are talking about / what's going on over there? / every now and then / any sense at all / that's one of them / I don't know what you mean, I'm afraid / Now then, features on the go today / where is the c__ clock / my / bought in 1983 / now / when I bought it in 1983 / Yeah. / Where is it now? / name / confuses the listeners / parents / present / and it's not there now? / ... Well, that's ... / you know, that's ... I can't / any clues / oh, is it there now? / ... Yeah. / 当初、その鳩時計はキッチンの壁にかけられたわけだが ... / まだそこにあるとか？/ ... それを言うわけにはいかない。/ ... じゃ、あるんだ？ / ... / that's the end of the feature, you idiot. / well / really. ... Sorry. / ... Well, / I couldn't say / if I said / yes / It's there now. / was / that was a great quiz / I know. And you ruined it / sorry / what / we / do now? / Oh my god, we've gotta fill some time / know / that's the point / amazing / bought / still / still working? / since ... I'd say, 85. ... It hasn't worked literally for 30 years. / hasn't __-__ed for 30 years / nothing / hasn't worked for 30 years. It's still / must be bored / the whole point / nobody / still on the wall / really good idea, mate / it was, except, you blew it. / I blew it.

Celebrity Out Of Context Bingo. You remember / feature / I do. / caused a lot of controversy / hot potato / OK / somebody / change the name / ironically / Because? / because whenever people / go / "I saw / supermarket / we would poo-poo it / not really out of context / human buying some groceries / if / I don't know / Paul / out / have to be / something / Paul D__ / I / see it / I think / out of context / example / the listeners / P__ D__ / wedding / yeah / right / definitely / couple / right / couple / I saw / then I would say / qualifies / ironically out of context / OK / yeah / what about / like, a little, uh / no, and, / giant rabbit / out or something / perfect example / yeah / yeah / very likely / just / saying / rabbit outfit / I think / get the message mate. / long / some / before / context / here's someone / received / public / we saw / read / before / somebody / listening / read it out / weeks ago / Listen / not hurdling / does that qualify? / No. / tell people why it doesn't qualify / because / normall / not / associated with hurdling / out of context enough / difficult / bit / used to see / not / used / it's / I think / your Celebrity / Bingo should be re-named / then / really / out of context / that / Celebrity / what does / have to be doing to qualify / uh / don't / yeah / something / yeah / or driving / Driving? ... What? / That's a rubbish idea / terrible / actually / out / context / myself / it says / hurdling / OK / OK / morning / enter / out / really confidently / yeah / not / I'm not sure / enough for you, though / recently / doing / filming / Huh. ... That's ... that's good / count / counts / says / out / shop / yes, it is / somebody / wrote / got / train / caused / controversy / out of context enough / No. / uh / I saw / out / ironic / I'm confused / not / sensitive / OK. / "Hi Rhod / went / I'm sure / not in H__ / that's ... funny / joke / also / drinking coffee / of course / tea / passenger / not / not in fact / I'm sure / touch / thank / bother / now / then / here's one for you / Hi Rhod / talking / about / I once saw Richard S__ / Venice / know / I have no idea / nothing else, is there? / tell us what it is / once / Venice / with / over-weight / wearing / K__ City / producers / American fitness personality / Is he? / Yeah. / I don't know / out / good / though / where is it? / good / hang / lost it / it was about / yeah / where / no / I've lost it / link / ever

I once saw / long / phone conversation / minutes / on the phone / out of context / we hear you ask / shorter / know / magician / massive / anything / massive one speaks / good / shorter / only / actions on stage / watch / Fantastic. / that / from / bar / Tim from D__ / now / what / Andrew / long-time / bluh / enjoy / show / after / celebrity / a couple of years ago / a couple of years ago / family / florida / ok / out / shopping / upscale shopping m__ / posh / upon / and his wife." / Wow. / this is only slightly out of context, I would say / well-known man in a normal environment / well-known man / 8 10 12 / only / next / tip things over the edge / looking / returning a pair of socks / that is good / I'm not sure / but / multi / shopping / just returning a pair of socks / good / that / good one / seeing / returns / believe / bought / gift / I find it hard to believe / again / lier / pair / business / come on, mate. / limit / take / back / pack of five back / or / seven / what item of / take / no / pants / probably / back / fair point / refund / shirt / expensive shirt / cheap shirt / no / wear / would / good point / Daily M__ /

quiz / ok / time / everyone / love / catch / quizzes / do it again / love / remind me / next / OK / question / general / standard / ask / point / no j__ / just / rock / well / what / first / just / no / not / you / all over my chips / did / people / expect / up / dealing with / loads / question / know / fairness / one question / yeah / how / prime minister / fairly random quizzes / into / prime / know / exactly / yes or no on the spot, prime minister / actually / now / go / yes / department / health / minister / ok / quiz / quiz / everyone / a quiz / actually / department / all right / OK. / yes / no / spot / only / now / here / Department of Health minister / would / you / tax / cut / yes / unhealthy / quiz / Quiz Quiz now. / tell you what / next week / what / yes or no on the spot / driving / instructor / my / ever done / which / spot / OK. / OK. Quiz Quiz. / rock / said / how / 1 / changes / now / yeah / not so ... not so / pressure / have / how / yet / 2 minutes' worth / you / nose / remember / agree / don't / but yeah / how many smells / your nose and brain remember? / 680 / different smells / bonus point, what are they / 2 / coffee / started / coffee / bread / yeah / uh ... / any / similar / toothpaste / how many / thousand / time for it / tell / remember / 1 trillion ... / Huh / was / far off / you were billions off / no point / for that / good / most shop-lifted book in the United States / get / shop-lifted / answer / really / people / how to get / no / bible / yes / 米国で最も万引きされることの多い本は ... / Is it / give / bible / ironic / hang / realize / earlier / take / someone / out / not / ok / thomas / guy / light / telephone / afraid / spiders / dark / yes / invented / question / this / it is good / if / what / eventually / Don't try this at home / condon / garage / situation / answer / if you throw / off a garage roof / in fact / change / off / top of the E__ Tower / fine / why / because / gravity / any sort of injury. / What happens / something bigger / same / applies / off / twice as high / same thing applies / go / jump / what / went up / rocket / b__ / sky / eventually / would he / imagine / enough mass / impact / from / off / you are doing very well / three / out of four / person / Britain / Henry / no / Joseph / toilet / no / queen / which / one / not bad / Egiptians / I know / when / cat / mummify it / what else / themselves / cat died / question / cats / Egyptian / situation / themselves / that's the question / sure / funeral / turn it into / no / cat / of / turn / into a hat / p__-m__ cat hat / yeah / know / give / OK / given / do / immediately / cat / do / put on a cat outfit / outfit / carry / important / everyone / fancy dress / cry / cry / they shave something / bodily / why would they do that? / one / one / confession / in case / any / three / three / more / questions / make / climax / somehow / what / not / what / Oval ? / No. / diamond / like / eye / lord / shape / no / Triangle ? / no / oblong / Oc ... octagnal ? / hexagonal / know / know / question / Rectangular. / Huh, man. / three / last /

celebrity / once / playing football / yes / it counts / like / this / I was one / once / driving / overtaken / Chris __ / excellent / who / driving home for Christmas / assume / January / short-lived / maybe / come / one of / mysteries

if / whole / mornings / 11 till 1.

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Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits エピソード・リスト